yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I party with great urgency now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
