if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
