for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
