My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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