Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
