There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize