planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
