is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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