i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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