Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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