R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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