First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
