i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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