you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
