I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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