Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
