would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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