Reggie can tackle my bush.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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