So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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