I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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