There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
