Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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