how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize