Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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