Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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