So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize