Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
