I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You pole danced in your parka.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
