we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
