I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize