I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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