I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
