my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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