That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
