I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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