Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
soo... how was my night?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
