Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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