It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
