anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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