Sponge bath it is.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
