it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm sobbing to NWA
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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