oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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