he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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