I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
