It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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