Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
