They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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