Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
