I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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