You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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