I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
