Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We named our party play list daddy issues
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
