everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
