Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
