I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
