I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
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