did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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