your thong is hanging out like whoa
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
