so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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