your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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