I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
