Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
