Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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