Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
