Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
