Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You may now shotgun with the bride
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize