if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
